


Time Moves Slow

by knowyourincantations



Series: Sapphic September 2019 [4]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Closeted, Don't copy to another site, Established Relationship, F/F, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Open Ending, Post-Hogwarts, Sapphic September, Sapphic September 2019, Secret Relationship, Strained Relationships, Unresolved Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-07 00:00:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20515676
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knowyourincantations/pseuds/knowyourincantations
Summary: Until her twenty-fifth birthday, Pansy has to play the dutiful daughter, letting her parents set her up for dates and pretend she has every intention of marrying one of them one day. Once she turns twenty-five, she gains full control over her trust and can do what she likes. She had it all planned out, how to live until then.She hadn’t planned on Hermione.(mind the tags)





	Time Moves Slow

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Sapphic September Day 4: "I don't expect you to understand."

Down the hall, the clock chimed half-past the hour in the kitchen. Pansy could barely hear it over the loud silence emanating from Hermione. They’d finally reached the part of this tired argument that was so repetitive that even Hermione realised repeating it once more was pointless.

But the fact they kept arguing was bothering Pansy more and more. Enough that she couldn’t stop herself from picking at it again.

“It’s not like I’m dragging this on indefinitely,” she said, checking her makeup in the vanity mirror again. It was better than looking at Hermione’s face. “There is an end point to this, there always has been. All this fuss is pointless.”

It wasn’t as if she hadn’t been clear with Hermione from the start. She hadn’t even been looking for a relationship when they’d started. In fact, she’d been doing her best to avoid getting attached to _anyone_ until everything was resolved.

But she knew better than to ever mention that it was really Hermione’s fault for pursuing her and being just so damn irresistible.

“Really? Pointless?” Hermione said. “It may be pointless but I can’t help getting upset every time you go out on dates with random men and never with me. How would you feel? Would you watch me dress up without saying a word? Would you let me go out on a date with someone else wearing a dress like that and say nothing?”

Pansy grimaced at her reflection. She should have let them both stew in silence until she left.

“I hate these dates as much as you do,” she muttered. “Probably more, since I actually have to sit through them pretending to enjoy myself when I’d rather bash my head against the table!”

A hand gripped her shoulder and turned her around. Hermione stared at her with beseeching eyes.

“Then end it,” she urged. “Just stop. You don’t have to keep doing this!”

With a sharp tug, Pansy pulled her shoulder free and crossed the room to pick out a jacket and pull it on. It wasn’t really cold enough for it, but it gave her something to do. It had been a mistake to move in with Hermione. Just like every other aspect of their relationship, and the relationship itself.

At the time, she’d thought it was brilliant. The papers had already revealed her friendship with Hermione, but never dug up anything deeper. No one suspected a thing, and it was so very fitting, so like her, to want one brief adventure into an independent life before she bowed to her duty and married the perfect pureblood man.

Her parents had never even questioned it. Hadn’t even tried to talk her out of it. Almost encouraged it.

Too caught up in how she felt about Hermione, and too easily swayed by her emotions despite how much she hated that weakness, she’d not really thought ahead to how it would play out. Hermione had seemed so agreeable about the arrangement, and she had always been so practical, Pansy hadn’t imagined she’d have such a problem with it.

  
“Why are you doing this?” Hermione growled. “You don’t even care about the wealth, unless you’ve just been pretending with me the whole time too.”

Pansy whirled around and jabbed a finger in her direction. “Don’t do that!” she snapped. “I _never_ pretend with you!”

Hermione scoffed and folded her arms.

“Only when there’s no one else around.”

“I don’t expect you to understand that it’s not about the money,” Pansy said, fighting the reflex to raise her voice and snap about how Hermione hadn’t even wanted anyone else to know at first. If she got too defensive, she’d only make it worse. An emotional response only ever made Hermione feel she was right.

“The only reason you’re going on the stupid dates is to make sure they don’t take your trust away before you gain full control over it,” Hermione said. “Tell me how that’s not about the money? What other reason do you have for doing this? They could still disown you after they can no longer cut you off. They’re always going to try and force you to marry a man. Putting it off solves nothing.”

If Pansy hadn’t spent so long on her hair she’d tug on it from frustration.

“You just don’t get it,” she groaned. “If I reveal I’m a lesbian and refuse to marry within their circles, they _have_ to cut me off from my trust, whether they want to or not. That’s just how things are done. They’ll ruin their social standing if they don’t.”

Hermione threw her arms up with a frustrated sound. “Then they’ll cut you out of the family when you come out _after_ you gain control on your twenty-fifth birthday. You’re going to lose them no matter what. How is this not about the money? You don’t need it. You make more than enough.”

Pansy lifted her hands to rub at her eyes only to remember her makeup at the last moment and drop them again.

“They could, but they _won’t_,” she said. “I’ve told you before, but it’s okay. I understand why you don’t get it. You didn’t grow up with all these stupid traditions to discourage certain behaviour, all layered with even more traditions for the many loopholes to avoid punishment. It’s all about perception. I pretended so well they couldn’t have stopped me, and by the time they or anyone else finds out, it’s too late. I play the game well, and I get my reward of not being ostracised for acting out sooner and forcing them to disown me. It may not make sense, but it’s just how things are done.”

The clock chimed out fifteen minutes to the hour and Hermione sat heavily on the bed. Defeat lined her face. She was giving up again. Giving up trying to understand. They’d have this fight again because for whatever reason, Hermione just didn’t get it and didn’t try hard enough.

Pansy crossed the room and knelt in front of her. “By playing along, I save face for everyone and keep my family happy. In turn, once I come out, they’ll make a fuss, they’ll bemoan their situation in having a daughter who won’t carry on the line, but then it’ll die down. It’s only another seven months and this will all be over.”

Another seven months of pointless dates wasn’t something Pansy wanted either, and precisely why she’d avoided forming attachments for so long. She should never have let Hermione worm her way under her skin. She should have held her off for longer, even though Hermione had insisted she was fine with all the dates Pansy would have to go on to keep up appearances.

“If they were going to disown me regardless of when I come out, I wouldn’t bother with this, I’d just come out now to spite them. I don’t care about the money. It’s not about that,” she tried again. “By doing this, I save my relationship with them and everyone else in those circles. That’s what it’s really about.”

Hermione shook her head. “I just don’t understand. Why make such a fuss if they just accept you later? Why not accept you sooner? It doesn’t make sense. If they really wanted to discourage pureblood children from making the wrong marriages, it would make sense to punish them severely for acting out.”

Pansy sighed and touched her shoulder gently. When Hermione didn’t shrug her off, she gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze.

“I know, love,” she murmured. “But they learned a long time ago that punishments and disowning didn’t really stop anyone who wanted something forbidden badly enough. This is a compromise, really. Just think of it like that.”

Hermione covered her face and groaned. “I want to be the one you dress up for. I want to have dinner somewhere nice, hold your hand, kiss you and not care who sees. I didn’t think I would care so much, but I do.”

A heavy stone settled in the pit of Pansy’s stomach. They’d had this argument several times now, but Hermione had never admitted that before. They usually just went in circles and left nothing resolved.

“I want that too,” Pansy said softly, pulling Hermione’s hands from her face and then bending down to press their foreheads together. She kept her eyes closed and almost held her breath. “Just hold out a little longer, please. Seven more months and then we’ll have all the time in the world.”

Across the flat, the doorbell rang and they both flinched.

Pansy turned and looked through the doorway as if she could glare through the walls and her date for the night would bugger off on his own.

“Go,” Hermione muttered. “It won’t do to keep him waiting.”

Pansy turned back to her and bit her lip. That wasn’t how she wanted to leave things. It wasn’t the same as all the other arguments and passive aggressive silent treatments on date nights. She needed to hear Hermione say she could keep going. She needed it so badly her ribs seemed to ache from it, each breath hurting more than the last.

But then, if she pushed her for an answer now, she might get one she didn’t think she could handle at all.

“Alright,” she said softly instead. “I’ll see you when I get back.”

Hermione shook her head and didn’t look at her.

“I don’t think I feel like ice cream, wine and complaining after this one.”

The stone in the pit of Pansy’s stomach grew heavier.

“Okay,” she said, trying to keep her voice from breaking. “That’s okay.”

Before she could work herself up, she turned and swiftly left the room, snatching up her clutch as she went.

The closer she got to the front door, the more she wanted to turn around and run back to Hermione.

Instead, she plastered a practised smile of delight on her face and dredged his name up from the back of her mind.

She could make it through the night. She’d figure out the rest after that.

**End.**

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed reading this, I'd really appreciate a comment to let me know, or [reblog this post](https://knowyourincantations.tumblr.com/post/187485301608/time-moves-slow-hermionepansy) on tumblr so others might see it too =)


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